A bride’s worst nightmare

Whatever you do, do not buy Tostitos Multigrain tortilla chips.

It is impossible for me to eat a reasonable amount of these chips. In fact, it is impossible for me not to eat the entire bag. On the way home from Whole Foods. Which now sells them. Which tells me that, in lieu of artificial ingredients, this tasty snack is made with not just corn but also wheat, buckwheat and oats, which somehow translates in my brain as justification for consuming the entire bag.

I’m safe if I don’t buy them at all. But sometimes I buy them. And eat the entire bag.

I feel sick. But it’s a happy sick.

I also feel fat. It is not a happy fat.

I really wish they’d finish altering my wedding dress, so I can start wearing it around town, as that is clearly the only way to remind myself that I’m supposed to be losing that obligatory Bridal Ten by June 21. Which is now 103 days away.

Yes, I am counting. Days, but not calories. Clearly.

The other night, as I was whining about feeling fat (as I do every night, usually after eating something like half a pint of Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Fudge Brownie), Rob turned to me and said the words that every girl wants to hear from the man at the end of the aisle:

“Nobody likes a fat bride.”

As my eyes widened and I sucked in my breath, he immediately started in with:

“It’s a saying! It’s a saying!”

We Google-ed it. It is not a saying.

Still, though. It might be a good thing for me to keep in mind.

Tags: Ben & Jerry's, chips, counting calories, multigrain, nobody likes a fat bride, tostitos, wedding dress